Resurrection Letter No.10

Confession: life is hard. We all get that.

Another confession: we're usually to blame.

Aside from human tragedy, which will beset all of us at some point, most of our difficulty in life is because we're just really obstinate human beings. By this, I mean to say that collectively and individually, we stubbornly refuse the best course of action in front of us, often to our own detriment, and then we complain about how tough life is and give excuses for why. That's the human story, both from a Biblical standpoint and, well, just from simple observation.

It leaves me with a lot of questions and sometimes frustration.

This week we in our house had a very difficult conversation (read: "family blow up"). It was everybody. No one person lit the fuse. The fuse was already lit some time in the past. It was the accumulation of individual instances of refusing to take the better course of action. 

Sure, we're all struggling. We're in a new place. New changes in life. Trying to make new friends, feel "at home," feel a sense of purpose. And, yes, times are strange these days. 

Plus, it's tough being a pastor family. I'm not saying anything you don't already sort of know. But, until you're living it, or until you hear you kids complain about the reality, it's tough to understand. It definitely takes its toll. And for the most part, it's a toll we're happy to pay. We're not trying to force religion on anyone, we're not some unrelateable family who only cares about church and not drinking. We're real. We just want people to know God is real, that the Spirit of Jesus Christ is alive and present in our lives, and life is much better when we let that change us. That's all. Very simple, really.

So, yes, there are stresses and other factors that weigh emotionally and mentally. But we're not atypical in this. We all have such things. You have them, too. These are just our current issues. But overall lately, we've failed. We have neglected to nurture the one most important thing in our household: following the way of Jesus, cultivating relationships moved by compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and putting others first. We let all of the other stuff choke out the goodness of God in our lives. And we reaped the natural outcome.

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Can we all agree that our world and our lives need more goodness? 

Yes, we can. Ok.

Now can we all agree that the only way to that is to pay attention to and follow the way of Jesus? 

At the end of the day, that's what is the most important thing. And that's what led to the family blow-up. We stopped paying attention to Jesus and the good way of life he offers to us. 

It's not easy. No one said it was (Jesus was pretty clear that it would be the most difficult and costly thing you'd do). 

But, it's really not that hard to understand, either. That's one big conclusion we all reached in our family "debrief." Following Jesus isn't complicated. Sometimes I wonder if we just don't want to. 

But, here's where I have big questions about our humanity (and some frustration, especially with our culture). We are hard working people. We pride ourselves on it. We work very hard at other things, some of us work at things that might be more difficult in some ways than following Jesus. They might be safer, too. Maybe that's why we don't follow Jesus well. We're too scared.   

Sometimes, I'm just baffled. Confused. I just don't understand. Why do we work so hard, expend so much more time and energy, on other things first? It's not that other things don't require our time and energy. They do. But youth in our world have time and motivation to get up early in the morning to work out, but not to pursue a better life by connecting more with God. Or as an adult, why am I able to focus my energies and thoughts on "work" or on problem-solving certain issues with my job or my life, but give very little time to investing in working out a solid foundation for my family and my faith in a way that brings peace in the midst of the problems? It's like I think my family and faith can operate on "auto-pilot" while I give other things more attention. When I step back and consider that this is the reality for many people, including myself, I am not surprised life is so difficult at a deeper, more personal level. 

Jesus said it pretty clearly: seek him first, the other stuff will follow. Get it backwards, and everything is messed up.

There's a great quote I am fond of using: "You are perfectly designed to be getting the result(s) you are getting." I just modified the language from the actual quote at the top of this essay. It doesn't just apply to businesses. Every business, organization, family, individual life is getting exactly the results they are set up for. If we don't like the results we're getting, then redesign how we're living.

Our culture is in strife and turmoil. No surprise. We in our mentalities, attitudes, and practices are perfectly designed for division and strife. If in my life there is tension and frustration in my relationships, somehow the way I'm going about things is perfectly designed for that. I can't pass the buck and blame someone else. I need to look inside and redesign. 

Which leads me to more questions. Why does it seem that so often we seem to avoid being good? Do you notice that? It usually begins in junior high and continues through adulthood for many people. Being "good" is somehow given a negative stigma. Kids get made fun of because of it, and we try to make sure people know there's a "bad" side to us. In reality, we're not as cool as we think we are.

Why does it seem that we have a cultural stigma against being the best humans we can? I'm not talking about job performance or sports. I'm talking about our real relationships and our life of following God. Yes, yes, we talk about being good and kind often, but when push comes to shove, it seems we'd usually rather make fun of people who are "good" or laugh it off like being good is the same as being a stiff, boring, no-fun human. Why is that? 

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That's all for questions for now, I suppose.

I don't have all the answers. I don't. Being a pastor doesn't make be any better. In fact, in some ways I'm more acutely aware of the problems, and it causes me to raise more questions than I can deal with in one day, week, or year. I'm just sharing some with you. I invite you to join with me in asking the questions. I'll keep doing it, because here's the deal for me: I firmly believe that a better life for us is right in front of us. 

I want to live it, not just talk about it.  

Here's what I know and what I live for: Jesus is the way out. There's a great quote that I often return to from an old pastor and cultural critic, G.K. Chesterton. He said: 

"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried."

Chesterton was one of those people who come along every so often and are pretty fed up with human laziness and the indifference and irrelevance of the religious establishment. He looked out and was often disappointed with both culture and the church. Another person who was like this was Jesus. So was Martin Luther, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and C.S. Lewis, and Martin Luther King, Jr. These people are not afraid to call a spade a spade for the good of our lives.

Here's my statement for this week and this whole scenario. When I am better, we are better. When you are better, we are better. Repeat it: When I am better, we are better. When you are better, we are better. 

It's not that we need to try harder. We can't save ourselves. God does that. But Jesus showed us a way to live and invites us to receive it, and he said it is the way of life, the way of better humanity. We just think it's too hard. But when I take it seriously, I am better. When you take it seriously, you are better. And when this happens, we are better. 

Like Chesterton said: too many of us just haven't actually, really tried the way of Jesus. If we do, my suspicion is that it will change us for the better. I'm willing to be proven wrong on this. 

Because we are a wandering, confused, ignorant mess without Jesus' direction. I'm not one of those who
adopts the "all who wander are not lost" mentalities. Yes, we all wander. Yes, we're not always "lost." But, generally from human experience, if you're wandering it's because you don't have direction. 

Yes, God forgives us when we've messed up and are lost. And even when we don't care, God loves and forgives us. But using that as an escape doesn't solve any problems. It changes nothing. My point isn't "do better and God will love you more." God loves you no matter what. Let me make that clear: God loves you no matter what. But if we want life to be better, then we must do better and listen better to Jesus. 

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I don't like family blow-ups. If our family wants to avoid them in the future, we need to take Jesus more seriously. I extend the same suggestion to you. It's not about you or me. It's about all of us. But it starts small -- with you, with me, and our families. Then it goes outward in concentric circles: our workplaces, our schools, Adair, western Iowa, Iowa, the United States, North America, the Western Hemisphere...to the world. 

When I am better, others are better. When things are better for others, they're better for you and I. We don't live for ourselves, contrary to our cultural independence mentality. Our independence mindset will only leave us alone and broken. Somehow we fail to get that.

I read recently a statement about pushing yourself. It was something like: "Push yourself. No one will do it for you." 

Well, let me add to that. Push yourself for what's most important, and strive with all of your "heart, soul, and strength" to be like Jesus. No one will do it for you, but it's the one thing that matters. We get the results we're currently designed to get. 

In defiant hope,

Pastor Kyle